Release year: 2004

Author: Ian Kerner, Ph.D.

Link to my handwritten notes

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This is a weird book to review. It’s about teaching men how to pleasure a woman. This read is explicit!

There is in me this strong desire to inform by sharing what I really read. At the same time, I feel like sharing what I learn about this topic is like admitting I am clueless about it. Is posting this review a heroic or an idiotic act? I guess there is only one way to find out.

In the star quotes below, I’ll list only the quotes I’m comfortable “writing out loud.” If you want the juicy, explicit bits, you’ll have to find my handwritten notes above and endure my handwriting. 😄

I’ll end this review by saying that this book will not give you much guidance on creating intimacy. It assumes your partner and yourself already have somewhat frequent sexual sessions and aims at deepening those experiences. Thus, if your couple has desire disparity, I’d look for another book before beginning She Comes First.

Let’s hope I don’t regret posting this…

Félix rating:

⭐ Star quotes

  1. (p. 23) Separate the concept of procreation from pleasure.
  2. (p. 26) All of women’s orgasms are clitoral.
  3. (p. 66) Fall asleep while holding her in your arms.
  4. (p. 86) Savor, don’t suckle.
  5. (p. 88) Don’t be threatened by what’s in her imagination.
  6. (p. 207) Restraint (bondage) does not involve any pain or danger, but rather promotes trust and titillation.
  7. (p. 92) One of the most underestimated and underutilized forms of erotic stimulation, a good solid foot massage floods the bloodstream with endorphins and energizes the entire body.
  8. (p. 94) Don’t be a show-off. The approach to style is by way of plainness, simplicity, orderliness, sincerity.
  9. (p. 98) If your attitude toward cunnilingus is “no pain, no gain”, the sentiment is appreciated, but entirely unnecessary.
  10. (p. 111) Before starting and throughout the session, remind her of the Three Assurances:
    • Going down on her turns you on, you enjoy it as much as she does.
    • There’s no rush; she has all the time in the world. You want to savor every moment.
    • Her scent is provocative, her taste powerful: it all emanates from the same beautiful essence.
  11. (p. 176) Whether married or not, great sex often comes from the appreciation of repetition and the enjoyment of what you have.
  12. (p. 178) It’s in the moments subsequent to orgasm when a man proves whether or not he’s an “erotically civilized” adult. An extra 15 minutes spent cuddling, snuggling and whispering sweet nothings is the path to greatness.
  13. (p. 184) Take a pleasure-oriented approach, not an orgasm-oriented one.
  14. (p. 185) Routines